Dilbert Comic
What is Your HR Strategy?
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The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
In Modern education and government, and some of our businesses, a whole wide range of far more advanced stategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Re-classiying the dead horse as "living, impaired".
Salary Negotiations |
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of five-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
One-Liners
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I have one nerve left and you’re getting on it.
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To get where you're going, you must know where they're coming from!
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Of course I don’t do anything, I’m an idea man.
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God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things, right now I am so far behind I will never die.
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Are pay raises automatic here or do you have to work for them?
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Personnel Director to job applicant: "Retirement Plan? I wouldn't worry about that, you'd be out of your mind to work here that long."
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You can name your own salary here . . . I call mine "Fred"!
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We're in one of those great historical periods that occur every 200 to 300 years when people don't understand the world anymore, when the past is not sufficient to explain the future.
Peter Drucker
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Of course I have "past experience". What other kind is there?
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If you think communication is all talk, you have not been listening.
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Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
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A boss is someone who arrives at the office early whenever you are late, and is late when you are early
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At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10, 000 men to guard the past.
Materlink
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I'm an equal opportunity employer, that's why I'm giving other employers your services.
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Around here I have a responsible position . . . every time something goes wrong, I'm responsible.
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The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out an employment application.
Stanley J. Randall
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You can’t talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into.
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Words were given to man to enable him to conceal his true feelings.
Voltaire
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The things that are hardest for us to change are the things that have contributed to our present success.
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Temper is what gets most of us in trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.
Anonymous
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PLEASE STAND BY…this presentation is being adjusted to match the experience level of the audience.
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I’ll agree to discuss it, if you’ll agree to keep your mouth shut!!
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I see your point of view, I just don’t want to see it again.
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I kept six honest serving men. They taught me all I knew. Their names are What and Why and When, and Where and How and
Who.
Rudyard Kipling
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For things to change, first I must change.
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At no time is self-control more difficult than in time of success.
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I was qualified to be able to answer promptly –
I said “I don’t know.”
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Character doesn’t build character – it exposes it.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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HR
Answers, Inc.
7659
SW Mohawk St.
Tualatin,
OR 97062
Toll
Free: (877) 263-4476
Bellevue:
(425) 454-6170
Fax: (503)
692-3772
www.hranswers.com
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